Just my thoughts for tonight.
How do you know who you are? There are a lot of things I say and do that I wonder afterward why I would do that. I also have been thinking a lot about what I want in life, what brings me happiness and how I can overcome the difficulties that plague me. I really don't know who Devin is. As much as I BS my way through life - I haven't quite come to understand what it is that I want to accomplish or how I will find happiness.
I tend to push people away because I fear that I will let them down. I began thinking tonight that this could possibly stem from the fact that I am not happy with who I am at the moment. I don't like my attitudes or behaviors. I'm a horrible friend, highly selfish and a lot bit rude. I hate people the moment I meet them, and it takes a while for me to accept people and call them my friend. These are all things I am working on overcoming, but they are a lot more difficult to recognize in the moment than you would think.
One of these days I'm going to understand who I am and what I want. In the meantime, I'll find joy in the process of becoming who one day I'll eventually be. What a great life right? We have so many opportunities to grow and change and so many experiences that help us in the process. There are so many people that come in and out of our lives and help shape us and I'm grateful for this opportunity to progress, even though it is sometimes a lot more painfully slow than I normally enjoy.
Also, if some of my blog posts don't make complete sense, it's probably because I am just writing to write, and not really writing for comprehension. Sometimes you just need to write your thoughts down.